Category — relationships

It seems like a simple piece of advice. Don’t burn bridges. You never know whose support you will need one day or how life’s circle may bring you back to someone. IT really can be more important than you think. In fact a bridge burnt often multiplies into bad feelings that last for many years and even with people you have never met.

Nobody would advocate leaving a job with bad feelings. The oft dreamt departure where you tell your employer exactly how you feel is never a good idea. As you well know building a career and a reputation is all about personal relationships and connections with others. Don’t care to preserve this particular relationship? Fine. But chances are your employer has built up a strong network and you are part of an industry that is smaller than you think. The “it’s a small world” experience comes up often for a reason. So if you hate your employer as you move on, or if you hate a client you ended badly with, they will probably have similar feelings about you and spread the word in your industry. Harming one relationship can have devastating results as your career progresses.

“…you want to be remembered as a person of character, someone who in difficult circumstances takes the high road.”

Think about people who have left your company on good terms. They may well have been quietly let go, but did so with dignity. Chances are no matter what happened they are remembered as a decent person. The talk of their departure fades.

Those that leave with difficulty, on the other hand, are remembered poorly. Their character flaws are often magnified - after all people gossip far more about the bad things. New people join your company and learn of the difficult history. The person who left takes on a bad reputation with people who have never even met them. The talk lingers for a long time.

No matter why you leave a job, or stop dealing with a client or customer end with grace. Your paths may well cross again one day. You may want to use that person as a reference or their work in a portfolio. More importantly you want to be remembered as a person of character, someone who in difficult circumstances takes the high road.

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Think of the people you work with. Consider someone who works alone, isolates themselves from the team. How do you perceive them as a worker? Effective or ineffective? Hardworking or lazy? Now think of someone who talks to you several times a day about work (not idle banter). How do you perceive them?

Chances are the person who engages you comes across as a more effective worker, even if the isolated colleague works alone because they don’t have time to come up for air because they are working so hard!

As technology creates more and more ways to communicate and the many ways condense into fewer devices as our cell phones become pocket sized computers, communication has never been more important. With the apparent ease with which we all communicate, and the almost ubiquitous aversion to meetings amongst workers, we have become more and more isolated in our jobs.

It is interesting indeed that many firms are instituting e-mail free days or times. Sure, one might expect an improvement in productivity if we were not slaves to our email, but more importantly we encourage face-to-face communication.

Believe me, you will be noticed more, seen as a more effective person, when people can engage you one on one more often. The folks who engage in endless volumes of water cooler chat are seen as unproductive for certain - but if you can find a middle ground where you spend time with others on a professional level you are sure to see your stock rise.

Quite simply, if you are beavering away in solitude, firing off emails, writing reports and so on, you are relying on people to “notice” you based on your work alone. You are asking them to “trust” that you are hard at work when they rarely see you. Unfortunately, that is against human nature.

It is sad, but when someone isolates themselves, as productive as they may be, the typically cynical office will rarely notice what they do, or worse, assume that they are doing “nothing”. Don’t let this come off as communication as personal marketing either. No matter how intelligent you think you are you will be more effective with the support of your colleagues. You may step out of your shell for appearances, but you will soon grow from the effort you make as well and your work will improve.

For a leader this is even more important to recognize. In fact, you may be a great communicator with your superiors but be precisely the opposite with your team. You may really have no need to report to anyone as a leader - or at least you can get away without reporting. But today’s worker is different and effective leaders include their teams in the process. In fact, research out of the Harvard Business School suggests that leaders who include members of their team by asking for opinions and input are perceived as more effective.

So, set a goal for yourself this week. Find a way to include others in what you do at least once a day. Go see a colleague, or better yet as a leader in a team meeting, ask for input and opinions about something you are working on.

You will be seen in a better light, and even better, others will begin to open up with you more.

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Are you an introvert? Is it hard for you to make connections and lead a team? Practice! I’m by nature an introvert but I make a point of working on being more outgoing - including in situations far from work.

If someone you never met strolls up to the hotel hot tub you are in - make conversation- you have a captive audience! Sharing an elevator? Say hello. If it feels uncomfortable you know the door will open soon! The cleaning lady has just come into your hotel room? Ask her how her day has been. The point is that sometimes it’s easier to flex your smalltalk muscles in less threatening sitations - when it’s someone you’ll never meet again, or when you have an easy excuse to walk away, for example.

Set a goal for yourself to exchange a few words with a total stranger once a day or once a week, whatever you are comfortable with, and I guarantee it will get easier and pay dividends in your working life.

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