Category — relationships

Thank people often, genuinely and specifically, and you will see powerful returns

When was the last time you thanked someone in the office? Have you done it out of the blue for no particular reason, just to let someone know that they are appreciated?

All too often in a busy setting people forget the important little details - like thanking someone. IYou might ask someone for something many, many times each day. But as you move on to the next item on your list you can forget a simple thank you. Is that a problem? Shouldn’t people just do things for you - they are being paid after all!

We humans thrive on praise and positive support. There is just no way around that. Forget to say nice things to people and they will begin to make assumptions about your character that you would rather they did not. You might be seen as grumpy, arrogant, rude, who knows. Remember - everyone else is just as busy as you. In fact, many people say you need to offer up at least two positive things for any negative you may have later. Use thank yous to build up your stock of positivity.

Take the time to say a simple, and genuine, thank you and I guarantee your work will rise to the top of people’s in box. You will be appreciated.

Want to double the power of a thank you? Give them out of the blue, not just when someone does something for you. Walk up to someone and thank them for the work they do for you. For the support that they give you.”Thanks Sally. I just want you to know that the way you support my work with such attention to detail - like in the Smith contract last week - really is appreciated.”

By the way, this extends beyond those who work with or for you. Try thanking one of your superiors when they give you work and see how they react. “Thanks, Ron. I really appreciate the opportunity to be a part of this project. I always look forward to working on forecasting that has a strategic role for the company.”

I hope that you noticed something about how I thank people. With specificity. As I have said before when discussing notes you send to contacts - being specific makes your words more powerful and more genuine. After all, how many times a day does someone say thank you to you and it goes unnoticed?

Then again, I’ll bet you notice when someone doesn’t thank you.

Go ahead, right now. Thank someone.

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Give people your full attention - and you will be appreciated as a strong leader.

This will sound like common sense - unfortunately there isn’t much of it out there. You have all been there - meeting with someone formally, or just chatting, and their attention is anywhere but on you. Perhaps you are in a department meeting and your boss answers any phone call that interrupts as if his team is the last thing on his list of important items. A person may be greeting you but they are looking around the room for the next person to chat with. Or you go to someone’s office to see them and they are checking their email, or answering their phone. I have even been speaking with a person on the phone who was trying to juggle one or more other phone calls at the same time.

I know, I hear you - maybe it’s me! Well I imagine it has been on occasion - but I know in most cases these are people who feel too busy, too much of a slave to their work and have deluded themselves into thinking that they can multitask.

If you are a leader doing this to your employees, trust me you are not earning their confidence. They will lose their desire to speak with you and communication in the office will break down. Your effectiveness as a leader will be seriously compromised. If you are hoping to accelerate your career, such behavior will most certainly not instill confidence in your superiors.

Focus on the person, even if you have to limit their time

It is a fact of life that you are busy. But rather than trying to do too much at one time and to satisfy everyone, you would be much better served to focus on the people you are dealing with, even if it has to be a brief encounter. If you lead a very busy life nobody will be upset if you begin a meeting with a time budget - “John, you deserve my full attention, and that’s what you will get - but I have only 5 minutes today. If we can deal with this in 5 minutes then fantastic - if you need more time we’ll need to schedule it Thursday.” People will appreciate your frankness, and especially in a group meeting everyone will be happy - after all who likes meetings?

When you meet this way, deliver on your promise. Turn off your phone or have it answered for you. Close the lid to your laptop, or better still get out from behind your desk and meet face to face. Don’t scan the room but look at the person or people you meet with directly. If someone approaches you to interrupt, be polite but firm - “Sorry Susan, but I promised this time to John, can you see me later?”

Rather than appearing frantic, uninterested and disorganized, people will see you as a firm but respectful leader who values their work and their opinions. In turn they will be more respectful of your time, and they will probably pick up this good habit and it will spread in your organization.

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Yesterday I offered five dead ends to building relationships - here they are again, but with a more positive twist.

1. Use Linked In, Facebook or other Social networking sites to your advantage.

There is little or no use simply adding people at random as friends. You can still use social networking to your advantage. Remember, these services are only an introduction. If you have been introduced to someone you will still need to make a real-world connection. Whether it is the phone, over coffee or remotely via skype or some other web-based service, you still need to communicate directly with someone to build upon that relationship.

If your business is right for it, adding a group on Facebook or mySpace can help identify “fans” that you can open a dialogue with. Of course commenters on a company blog will also introduce themselves and you should look to develop more meaningful connections with some of them.

2. Proper thank yous after meetings or introductions.

A proper thank you after meeting someone can be very effective if it is personal. Mention something of importance in the note - some common ground. Make it clear that you were paying attention. If there is obvious immediate follow-up, then do it and let your contact know what has been done.

“Dear Sally, great to finally meet yesterday. I was excited to learn of your experience with XYZ. Thanks to your suggestion our team has added some XYZ to our site - I hope it fits with what you were thinking. I look forward to meeting again.”

Also, email is entirely appropriate, but consider the audience. For some people a hand written note will be far more powerful.

3. Sending personal Christmas or other holiday cards

There’s nothing wrong with sending cards at Christmas or another appropriate holiday. But they will only make a difference if you do something that sets you apart - be personal. At the very least, that means a few lines and a personal signature. Do you have a few hundred on your list and you can’t bear the thought of how long it will take? That’s the point - others feel this way and take short cuts. Just a few lines like “John, great working together this year on ABC. I hope that you, Sally, Suzie and Jimmy have a wonderful family holiday together.” will set you apart from the others by a country mile.

4. Taking up golf or tennis.

Golf, tennis, squash, running or some other sport are all great things to take on. The benefits of a healthy lifestyle will pay dividends in every facet of your life, not just business. Having some skills like these when the time is right - a fundraiser golf tournament, or just over conversation will pay dividends without a doubt. You don’t need to be an expert, but if you can reach a level of competence where you can share a social experience then you will have common ground to share with your business associates. It may not mean five hours on the golf course, it might just mean swapping stories, but it will be a real connection.

5. Sending an email or other newsletter.

Newsletters make a great deal of sense for many businesses. But they require proper follow-up to have any role in developing a relationship. Inviting clients to have a role in content - suggestions, profiles etc. will help you connect with them. On a web site a newsletter subscription can connect you with readers - but their real power might be from introducing you to new “fans” that you can connect with in a more personal way.

Relationships are about more than techniques

These five are not the top five relationship builders by any means. I selected them only because they were slight modifications to the five false builders that I posted yesterday. My point? Look beyond the tool or technique to make a personal connection at every turn. There is no technique that can build a proper relationship other than real personal communication. There are many routes to an introduction - and really, that’s what all of these things are. Once the contact has been made it takes good old-fashioned people skills to make a relationship.

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There are many dead ends to building business relationships. Here are five:

1. Adding your client as a friend in Facebook.

Adding someone to a list does not make them a friend. This is at best insincere and at worst dangerous. I don’t think your new “friend” needs to see all the useless things posted by you and your buddies or the over-personal comments. You can build a relationship that is professional without being uncomfortably personal.

1b. Adding them on Linked In. Same ineffectiveness. Less creepy.

2. Email thank yous after meetings.

“Sally, great meeting you, hope we can continue to work together on exciting projects like this.”

This seems like a good idea - it’s a contact, it’s a thank you. But it is so impersonal that it’s cold. These very few characters are a waste of time that can even be damaging. They make you sound insincere. They say “You really mean very little to me, but my business system says I’m supposed to thank you.”

3. Sending corporate Christmas cards signed by “The ABC Company Team.”

How many ways can this go wrong? First, it’s impersonal. It reeks of doing it because you think everyone else is doing it. At the same time signing from The Team, The Company or some sort of catch all that doesn’t use your name says you were in a hurry and the recipient isn’t worth you time. Want to make it even worse? Preprint the signatures, then get an assistant to stuff them in envelopes with mailing labels on them. Can you make it any more clear that you had no involvement whatsoever? Here’s another hint: if you don’t feel comfortable signing your name, then the recipient probably doesn’t know you by name - which means there is no relationship in place to build upon. Create the relationship first, send the card later.

Care to screw it up even more? Send to everyone in your list without thinking and wish Merry Christmas to people who don’t celebrate Christmas! You don’t say Merry Christmas for this reason? Here’s another hint: If you feel it’s safest to say “Happy Holidays” for fear of offending then you probably shouldn’t be sending to the person - again you probably don’t know them well enough.

4. Taking up golf or tennis.

Go ahead. They may be useful at some point. But a few golf lessons don’t suddenly make for a relationship. In fact it doesn’t suddenly give you anyone to play with. And you probably shouldn’t be inviting business associates out for golf if there is no decent relationship already. It’s a bit like trying too hard on the first date.

5. Sending an email or other newsletter.

Sure the newsletter you get from the real estate agent or your university fund raising department keep you connected, peripherally, but they do little or nothing to build a “relationship.” They are a bit like the family newsletters that you get at Christmas. Yes, they are far better than just a card. Yes, you like to be kept in the loop. But let’s face it, they are sent because people feel guilty for not having really connected during the year, and because they don’t have the time to send a proper note directly to you.

This might be a useful business move. Just don’t kid yourself that it makes a relationship.

Relationships are about more than techniques

It’s not that all of these are bad ideas. But on their own they don’t create relationships. There are no shortcuts to good relationships, just like there are no shortcuts to good business. Linked In can be a useful tool - but it’s the work you do offline that is helpful. Newsletters keep people connected - but there has to be something in place before they will connect you, or there needs to be some one on one follow up for them to have much usefulness to a relationship.

Are there more?

There must be many more that drive you nuts. The sad thing is they are all out there because people think they work, or that they have to be done. So help us out - what false relationship builders do you know of? What are your pet peeves. Add a comment please!

Tomorrow: Real Relationship Builders

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Why business is about more than being organized

Building a business or building a career, your success will depend upon relationships. Much is written on the web about GTD - Getting Things Done, following To-Dos, avoiding distractions and so on. It is true, many a worker would be more effective if they could get on with it. But no matter how efficient or inefficient you are, your success will depend on relationship building.

Good business is not just about piece work as too-strict following of systems might leave you thinking. It’s not about being so tight with your systems that you never have to lift your head from the computer writing reports and building PowerPoint presentations. Not that David Allen and the GTD crowd believe this, but there are so many systems on the web that it is easy not to see the forest for the trees - to forget what good business is really all about because you are so focussed on efficiency.

“You can’t make a sale by being efficient. Your best clients will require your personal attention.”

No matter how efficient you may become, at the end of the day you will need strong relationships to succeed. If you managed to be the most streamlined person with a tight calendar, no email or any other distractions you would still be left with important work to be done. For that to be done well, you have to rely on relationship building.

You can’t make a sale by being efficient. Your best clients will require your personal attention. You need to understand them and what their needs are. You need to be prepared to help them at any time. You need to provide service that goes beyond what others provide. And yes, it’s a cutthroat world out there, but if you build a relationship with your clients, if you get to know them as people and are appreciated for who you are, you will have a leg up. You will be turned to when they need more. You will be recommended to new customers. You will have contacts to help develop new business.

In the end your business will grow - and you’ll need some great systems to stay organized so that you can keep building relationships!

Coming Soon: Part II - Tips for Building Lasting Business Relationships

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