Posts from — March 2008

Empathy can be a powerful tool for dealing with difficult people in the office.

Today we are hacking empathy. How do you hack an emotion? Well, if a hack is repurposing something to your advantage then here comes the hack. Empathy is a powerful human emotion that can be a real ally in the office. We all have to deal with difficult people, usually on a daily basis. How you respond to that can have a big effect on your day, or even your career.

Forgive me for not recalling the story perfectly but one of the most memorable parts of Steven Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People was, for me, the story of a man on the subway who could not control his children. Another passenger (Covey himself?) finds this upsetting, intrusive, and eventually can’t hold himself back and confronts the man, asking him to do something about his kids. The response? “I’m sorry, but we’ve just come back from the hospital. Their mother passed away and I just don’t know what to do.”

It puts our annoyance with people in a whole new perspective doesn’t it? Do you know why the person in the office next door upsets you so often? If your colleague is having a rough day (year?) consider why that might be before you start to judge. Perhaps they have a child, or other relative, serving in Iraq or Afghanistan. Maybe their child is sick or they had an argument with their spouse. Your empathy for this person, even if you don’t know what is happening in their life, can make you a happier and more productive person in the office. Of course, it doesn’t have to be something so big as losing a spouse of a relative serving overseas. There are countless more mundane reasons why we have rough days from mounting bills to the kids crying half the night and making us go to work on three hours sleep.

I don’t write this just to remind you that there may be perfectly good reasons why a person is acting the way that they do. It is also a reminder that you are in control of your own emotional responses to someone. If Covey had known about the man’s wife having just passed away he would never have been upset - quite the opposite. Clearly in this case he was in control of how he felt about the situation.

So, take control in the office of how you feel about your colleagues. Where you can, give them the benefit of the doubt and try to undeerstand what is causing their behaviors. When all else fails and you just can’t stand someone’s behavior, resolve to not be upset by it. Control your own emotions.

How will this help your career?

Quite simply when others around you are being dragged down by someone else, you can thrive. At the very least you will be a productive person under difficult circumstances. In the best situation you may even be recognized for it.

I have had occasions where my boss knew he was asking me to work with difficult people. He knew he was asking me to do it because nobody else could. My ability in these cases to work with difficult people and to help them thrive in our organization was a real asset to the company. My ability as a leader was recognized because of what I was able to do with these people.

Anyone can handle the easy people. You have an important managerial skill if you can work with the challenging ones. When you next have the chance to deal with the office grouch, think why they might be that way. Use empathy to make yourself more effective - and happier!

Coming tomorrow: Why shouldn’t you just fire the difficult people?

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Apply the experience of excellent companies to your own career

I love the work of Tom Peters whose star rose when he penned In Search of Excellence and has continued to shine ever since. His web site is full of all sorts of great inspiration and insight. To that end I feel somewhat pleased that I bumped into some of his writing that seems in line with my post the other day about how to be more productive than the next person by picking one important thing and just getting it done.

As I was lookng around Tom’s site I noticed his key phrase - “Too Much Talk, Too Little Do” or as he put it in his 8 basics of excellent performance - “A Bias for Action.”

“at ‘excellent’ companies there was lot less emphasis on strategy - but there was a persistent focus on ’simply doing stuff’”

Too many people and too many organizations spend far too much time thinking, planning, talking and too little actually doing. You may not realize it happening at work, but I’ll bet you do when the government spends all your tax dollars talking. How do you feel when they call yet another Congressional Inquiry, investigation, or Royal Commission into something that we all know they should just DO. In the corporate world, while you are planning your next brilliant move, your competitors are out doing, outmaneuvering you. There’s no point having that brilliant strategy if the market has passed you by.

Peters states that when he was researching his now-famous book he found that at “excellent” companies there was lot less emphasis on strategy - but there was a persistent focus on “simply doing stuff” rather than talking it to death. Or put another way I first heard in the Education world from Richard DuFour , be a “ready, Fire, Aim” kind of person - not the more typical “Ready, Aim, Aim, Aim…”

Whether we are talking about the strategy of your company, or just your own work inside a company, it’s better to get on with it and risk making a few mistakes than never to be called to action at all. Do you pour over sales reports planning the perfect strategy for days (weeks?), when the next person might just pick up the phone and call his best customer to talk. How many customers could you meet with, show some special attention and learn their needs, while you were looking at those reports and planning strategy?

This reminds yet again of the 80/20 rule whereby 80% of your business comes from 20% of your clients - usually more than 80%. You know who the 20% are. Get on with working better with them and identifying who else meets their profile so that you can find the next member of that group. Don’t waste time planning the perfect way to leverage the bottom 80%.

In the office you can bet 80+% of the value you have to your firm, 80+% of the opportunity you have to impress your superiors comes from less than 20% of the work. Get on with it! Let the other 80% take care of itself. Allow yourself to drop a few of those balls - they don’t matter in the big picture - and get on with maximizing your returns.

Quick - what’s the most important thing that you could do for your company right now. Go Do It!

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Thank people often, genuinely and specifically, and you will see powerful returns

When was the last time you thanked someone in the office? Have you done it out of the blue for no particular reason, just to let someone know that they are appreciated?

All too often in a busy setting people forget the important little details - like thanking someone. IYou might ask someone for something many, many times each day. But as you move on to the next item on your list you can forget a simple thank you. Is that a problem? Shouldn’t people just do things for you - they are being paid after all!

We humans thrive on praise and positive support. There is just no way around that. Forget to say nice things to people and they will begin to make assumptions about your character that you would rather they did not. You might be seen as grumpy, arrogant, rude, who knows. Remember - everyone else is just as busy as you. In fact, many people say you need to offer up at least two positive things for any negative you may have later. Use thank yous to build up your stock of positivity.

Take the time to say a simple, and genuine, thank you and I guarantee your work will rise to the top of people’s in box. You will be appreciated.

Want to double the power of a thank you? Give them out of the blue, not just when someone does something for you. Walk up to someone and thank them for the work they do for you. For the support that they give you.”Thanks Sally. I just want you to know that the way you support my work with such attention to detail - like in the Smith contract last week - really is appreciated.”

By the way, this extends beyond those who work with or for you. Try thanking one of your superiors when they give you work and see how they react. “Thanks, Ron. I really appreciate the opportunity to be a part of this project. I always look forward to working on forecasting that has a strategic role for the company.”

I hope that you noticed something about how I thank people. With specificity. As I have said before when discussing notes you send to contacts - being specific makes your words more powerful and more genuine. After all, how many times a day does someone say thank you to you and it goes unnoticed?

Then again, I’ll bet you notice when someone doesn’t thank you.

Go ahead, right now. Thank someone.

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How you handle the challenges of negative people may impact your future as a leader

Do you know how you appear to others at work? What is your attitude day in and day out in the office? How do you respond when others around you are stuck in negativity?

Consider now how you have been in conversation around the office the last while. Are you always positive, or do you grumble with others about the direction of the company or the actions of your bosses? It’s easy in moments of being tired or frustrated to lower yourself and gripe with others and share in the collective misery of a dysfunctional team.

There is of course a better route to take. No matter what your true opinions might be, it is always important to be a positive force in the office - or under the worst circumstances a neutral one. Sometimes you may agree with your colleagues, or you may support the company or management that they are beginning to disagree with - in either case you have an opportunity to shine through as a leader and earn everyone’s respect.

Joining in on the negative chat brings momentary relief, but you earn no respect even from the most hardened complainers in the organization. To join them may bring a feeling of camaraderie, but nothing about your actions makes you stand out. At best you will be accepted, but not respected.

However, if you take the high road and look to put a positive spin on things, or even remain neutral, you will earn the respect of your peers. I do not suggest parroting the company line under difficult circumstances. Rather, you should have a clear and honest opinion of your own, and to focus on the positive values that you stand for.

For example, if your firm has hired a new executive that in their enthusiasm is making life hard for many, there is sure to be discontent. She may have come forward with many new ideas and initiatives that, combined with old responsibilities, have increased everyone’s workload. People complain. People wonder about the wisdom of the hire.

To join in on the complaints is the easy route. It leaves you as one of many. To simply say what your boss might want - a ringing endorsement of the new executive and all her plans - also has little merit. It will be seen as insincere and designed to promote your own career. The alternative? Stand by your values and represent them only. That might mean simply leaving the room when the negative chat begins. It might mean listening to your colleagues - many of whom are your friends - showing that you care about them even if you don’t choose to agree with them. But you might also choose to share some feelings, standing by your values. Focus on how you can accomplish what is asked of you - giving the new person the benefit of the doubt, as you would all want if you were in her situation. Find a few good ideas she has brought forth and chat about them. Offer to help your colleagues manage the new workload.

You might even believe everything that is being said by others, but to spend your time on the good will make you a leader. It may sway a few folks to a more positive direction. What is leader if not a person who ensures that the important is achieved, no matter how difficult or unpopular it might be? Your position in the face of office negativity is an opportunity to try on the mantle of leadership. Be a leader by helping the situation, don’t join the chorus of the disenfranchised.

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Choose the one most important immediate task to accomplish and get it done now to move ahead

How can you do more in a few hours than most of your colleagues do in a day? SImple. Do only one thing.

Do not look for the latest system. Do not spend half your day organizing. Right now, pull out a piece of paper and write down - what one thing can you do today that will make the biggest immediate effect on your job. Not five days from now, not five weeks, but immediately. You may have a list of several important things. Look at them carefully and pick just one that will have a bigger immediate effect today.

Got one? Go ahead and do it. It might take 10 minutes, it might take two hours. But if you do it you will be miles ahead.

The fact is most people spend most of their day avoiding the most significant things that they need to do. They plan, they research, they write reports, they answer emails. Anything and everything to seem busy, but to avoid the difficult or uncomfortable task. It may be fear of failure, fear of conflict, or fear of the unknown that stops them but most just don’t get to the biggest, most important tasks. If you make a commitment today to try this for a week and really stick to it, I think you will be amazed in seven days.

If you try it, let me know. I’d love to hear how it works out for you.

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