Relationships Part II - Five False Relationship Builders in Business

There are many dead ends to building business relationships. Here are five:

1. Adding your client as a friend in Facebook.

Adding someone to a list does not make them a friend. This is at best insincere and at worst dangerous. I don’t think your new “friend” needs to see all the useless things posted by you and your buddies or the over-personal comments. You can build a relationship that is professional without being uncomfortably personal.

1b. Adding them on Linked In. Same ineffectiveness. Less creepy.

2. Email thank yous after meetings.

“Sally, great meeting you, hope we can continue to work together on exciting projects like this.”

This seems like a good idea - it’s a contact, it’s a thank you. But it is so impersonal that it’s cold. These very few characters are a waste of time that can even be damaging. They make you sound insincere. They say “You really mean very little to me, but my business system says I’m supposed to thank you.”

3. Sending corporate Christmas cards signed by “The ABC Company Team.”

How many ways can this go wrong? First, it’s impersonal. It reeks of doing it because you think everyone else is doing it. At the same time signing from The Team, The Company or some sort of catch all that doesn’t use your name says you were in a hurry and the recipient isn’t worth you time. Want to make it even worse? Preprint the signatures, then get an assistant to stuff them in envelopes with mailing labels on them. Can you make it any more clear that you had no involvement whatsoever? Here’s another hint: if you don’t feel comfortable signing your name, then the recipient probably doesn’t know you by name - which means there is no relationship in place to build upon. Create the relationship first, send the card later.

Care to screw it up even more? Send to everyone in your list without thinking and wish Merry Christmas to people who don’t celebrate Christmas! You don’t say Merry Christmas for this reason? Here’s another hint: If you feel it’s safest to say “Happy Holidays” for fear of offending then you probably shouldn’t be sending to the person - again you probably don’t know them well enough.

4. Taking up golf or tennis.

Go ahead. They may be useful at some point. But a few golf lessons don’t suddenly make for a relationship. In fact it doesn’t suddenly give you anyone to play with. And you probably shouldn’t be inviting business associates out for golf if there is no decent relationship already. It’s a bit like trying too hard on the first date.

5. Sending an email or other newsletter.

Sure the newsletter you get from the real estate agent or your university fund raising department keep you connected, peripherally, but they do little or nothing to build a “relationship.” They are a bit like the family newsletters that you get at Christmas. Yes, they are far better than just a card. Yes, you like to be kept in the loop. But let’s face it, they are sent because people feel guilty for not having really connected during the year, and because they don’t have the time to send a proper note directly to you.

This might be a useful business move. Just don’t kid yourself that it makes a relationship.

Relationships are about more than techniques

It’s not that all of these are bad ideas. But on their own they don’t create relationships. There are no shortcuts to good relationships, just like there are no shortcuts to good business. Linked In can be a useful tool - but it’s the work you do offline that is helpful. Newsletters keep people connected - but there has to be something in place before they will connect you, or there needs to be some one on one follow up for them to have much usefulness to a relationship.

Are there more?

There must be many more that drive you nuts. The sad thing is they are all out there because people think they work, or that they have to be done. So help us out - what false relationship builders do you know of? What are your pet peeves. Add a comment please!

Tomorrow: Real Relationship Builders

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